Ok, so I’ve changed my mind a bit on this. I’m not going to read all the talks from last Conference – I’ll read some, but not all. I’ll also read Speeches from BYU devotionals as well.
I am finding it very hard to keep on the straight and narrow. But I believe I’ve been on the straight and narrow for about 2 full weeks now. I was wavering the last weekend – but I stayed strong. I so desperately want to return to the temple.
When I was younger, I was on a small vacation trip with my parents and best friend at the time, Jenny. Jenny and I still keep in touch once in a great blue moon, but since we both live in separate states and have separate lives – it’s really hard to stay in touch on a regular basis. Anyway – so when we were younger, still in high school – I believe this was just before school started and my friend had asked my dad to give her a priesthood blessing to start the new school year off right. My dad asked if I wanted one too and I said yes. So she went first – I don’t remember anything that was said for hers and nothing of mine. But there was one thing that stood out to me like it happened yesterday. I had been doing things that I wasn’t supposed to the previous summer. I had dabbled a little bit with marijuana – and I mainly did it because my brother and his friend was doing it and I wanted to be closer to him. And as long as I was smoking that with him, he and his friends didn’t seem to mind that I tagged along with them. Well, the longer I did it that summer, the more and more terrible I felt because I was lying to my parents, I was being disobedient to the commandments and lying at church and it was really starting to take a toll on me.
So my father started the blessing and about half way through it, I can’t even really explain it correctly. I guess the best way I can describe it is that I felt like I was being cleansed from the inside out starting at the top of my head, all the way down to the tips of my toes. I felt like I was glowing, really. I was filled with such warmth and love. And I knew then and there that I had been forgiven of what I had been doing that past summer. Before this blessing I had been praying for forgiveness, reading the scriptures, really trying to make an effort to return the the ‘straight and narrow’ path. And I received my answer that night. I immediately started to cry. I was filled with such awe and just raw emotion that the Lord would forgive me and let me know in such a beautiful way.
I’ve made mistakes since then, of course – we’re all human and we’re all going to make mistakes. But it’s instances like these, that make me try as hard I can to repent of my sins and make it back to the straight and narrow so I can fill the Spirit again and be happy. You’re never happy when you’re sinning. Even if you push the Spirit aside so many times as hard as you can and you continue to tell yourself that your happier without it… you know deep down that you’re not. Deep down you crave to feel the Spirit.